The new urban venacular

Bromance.

That’s relatively new and useless urban verbage describing the close relationship between two heterosexual males. Some homophobic guy came up with the term. He was probably afraid of what people might say about he and a buddy sharing a bucket of popcorn that was sitting in the empty seat between them while they were watching “Public Enemies” at the movie theatre.

I’ve always been partial to redneck slang which couldn’t embrace a bromance. However, when someone asked if Peanut Groves and I had a bromance, I went and looked it up. Urban Dictionary was my source and I can tell you that after reading what they had to say about a bromance, Peanut and I will opt to maintain the farmer slang term “buddy.” Bromance works for sharing popcorn, but it just doesn’t fit when you are blowing something up or pursuing defenseless animals with a firearm.

What I did find is that Urbandictionary.com is a useful source for vocabulary expansion. I encourage you to visit their site to learn new and improved descriptions of instances that you previously could not clearly define. I did that and found a number of favorites. Here’s a sampling:

Sinlaws – The parents of your live-in boyfriend/girlfriend.

Stall Waiting – When you realize that you and your neighbor have
finished using the bathroom at the same time so you delay exiting the stall a few seconds to avoid any uncomfortable eye contact or "excuse me"s while leaving the stall. Wait period is usually until the person reaches the buffer zone of the sink, where all normal social etiquettes are re-activated.

College morning – afternoon

Understandment - The combination of understanding and agreement. Used when talking about informal commitment.

Stealth-call - When you have to call someone back but don't want to talk to them, so you wait until you know they can't talk and leave a voice mail.

Recrap – To summarize a discussion composed largely of useless information.

Toilet Mummy – When someone is so concerned about toilet seat germs, the cover the seat with half a roll of toilet paper, leaving it to appear as if it has been mummified.

Best Behavior Friend - Also known as 'BBF'; a friend whom you have very little in common with and you act on your best-behavior when you're with. A best-behavior friend does not typically know the extent of your true character or transgressions because you misrepresent the truth to make yourself look good or innocent. A person with a best-behavior friendship may see the friendship as important or long-standing and so lying about situations or leaving out key facts becomes common.

Half-your-age-plus-seven – The rule to define the youngest that a romantic interest can be before the relationship is indecent.

Yawn pong - game played by tired people. In short, one person yawns and then the other person does. Should the original yawner yawn twice before the second person yawns once, player one has one point.

Redneck Teleprompter – Crib notes on a public speaker’s hand in order to remind him or her what to say during a speech or interview.

Mondaze – a daze you find yourself in due to it being Monday.

Time vampire – something or someone who literally sucks your time like a vampire sucking blood.

Text-hole – Someone who texts on their cellphone in really inappropriate places, like movie theatres, concerts, plays, or during sex.

Nearsighted date - As opposed to a blind date, where you have no idea what the other person looks like, a nearsighted date is one where you've seen a photo or chatted via web cam before meeting in person. This can often lead to disappointment if one person or the other has supplied misleading documentation.

Immaculate congestion - When traffic is backed up for miles on a highway, crawling along -- and then suddenly everyone returns to normal high speeds without passing an accident, stalled car, or road construction.
Objectively attractive - A phrase used by a spouse or significant other who is incapable of admitting they find another person truly handsome, beautiful, or sexually attractive.

Restless Lip Syndrome – When a person keeps interrupting a conversation and can't keep their mouth shut.

Cyberchondric – Someone who spends their time searching medical websites for diseases they convince themselves that they actually have.

Cougar - An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie. Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her life together.

I’ll wrap this up because I’ve already pulled a short story long (telling a story that could have been told in a more concise way but is dragged out because the teller doesn't know how to tell a story).

As you go thru your week, I do hope you will remember these ever important words:

Semper Ubi Sub Ubi.

That’s a Latin phrase loosely translated to mean "always wear underwear."

That's advice to live by.